A Love Letter to FEM Newsmagazine

Image Description: A collage on a deep purple background with a pink love letter in the middle that is addressed to FEM. The letters spell out “A Love Letter to FEM Newsmagazine.”

Dear FEM,

Ask any one of my friends and they’ll tell you with full confidence (and a mocking tone) that since my early teenage years, I’ve fallen into a pattern where I strictly confess my feelings through writing. Some see it as my greatest fault for always leaving behind a paper trail of the way I feel — maybe it’s because I find it impossible to communicate the way I feel in-person (I blame it on the fact that I’m notoriously bad at eye contact and flirting). However, I personally find something romantic in strategically thinking through what I want to say, writing it down, and shocking (for better or for worse) the person I’m hand-delivering my letter to. 

Maybe that’s why I chose to major in English in the first place. Writing has always been a form of escapism for me, and while the past targets of my love letters and poems might give you mixed opinions, it’s truly all I’ve ever known. I don’t know how else to express the feelings that keep gnawing away at my heart. This time, instead of writing and confessing my feelings to a boy (who probably doesn’t deserve it, let’s be honest here), I’m addressing you — the lovely community of writers, editors, readers and creatives I’ve been privileged enough to be a part of within the short year I spent with FEM.

Reflecting back on my first year at UCLA, I can’t help but think about just how much I’ve grown at FEM’s side. You have to understand that in September, I felt like such a small fish in a big pond. As a transfer student specifically, I was deeply worried that I wouldn’t be able to find my place here, ever — and while I understand now that this feeling of impostor syndrome is very much a universal experience, I was scared that it would never go away. 

When I applied to FEM, I truly meant every single thing I wrote in my application. I resonated deeply with our mission statement and the assertion that we are all self-reflective feminists, growing alongside our global audience. I never wanted to be a part of something more — so much so that I would anxiously sit outside of my dorm and pray on the first star I saw each night that I would get into FEM (this is a secret I have never confessed to anyone before, by the way). Everyone seemed so much cooler and smarter than me, and I thought that being in FEM would be my one-way ticket to finding a place to belong on campus. Some people might say that I was doing too much — to the great shock of Nina, our Arts and Creative Section Head, I showed up to my FEM interview in a full suit amidst California’s October heat. I think that to this day, that’s my favorite running joke with her.

Getting into FEM was a euphoric experience — mainly because my weeks of anxiety finally melted away. However, I didn’t realize back then just how much of an impact FEM would have on me. FEM surpassed each and every single one of my expectations and more. Not only has my feminist practice grown tenfold by just being a member of this wonderful community, but I’ve also learned so much and dismantled my own strict thinking of what the world should, and could, look like. FEM proved to me that the power structures I once believed to be necessary were not required at all in getting meaningful work completed, and provided me with a group of like-minded people to rely on and care for. I’ve memorized the FEM handbook inside and out through the multiple articles I’ve had the privilege of content-editing, and this knowledge has followed me into my own work, both academic and personal. 

I remember telling people at last quarter’s FEMpire photoshoot that two years felt too short to spend with FEM. I wished so deeply that I could have more time, even though I didn’t realize back then that my time would be cut in half. Regardless, I still have so much to be grateful for.

I’d like to take a moment to express my love and gratitude for the Arts and Creative section. Thank you for dealing with my chaotic schedule and for being so accepting of me, especially when I had no idea what I was doing and beginning to adjust myself to a new school environment. I look forward to our section meetings, writing activities and icebreakers every week, and I cannot imagine life without it. Nina, Lily, Cara, Sarah, Olivia, Sam, Giselle, Jess, Fiona and more — you make FEM what it is.

Although I’m new to Dialogue and Opinion, I cannot write a love letter without telling you guys how much you mean to me too. I had the time of my life writing my article, “Magnetic Forces: The Nuances of Hearing,” and you guys made the coldest evenings of Winter quarter feel warm and bright. Sabrina, Caitlyn, Jane, Cat, Dayna, Anastasia, Espie, Ashley and more — I love, respect and admire you guys more than you know! 

Last but not least, the section that I’ve had the absolute privilege of overseeing: finance. Thank you Aiki, Emma and Emily for being so understanding and patient during my awkward transition to leadership. Making merch and kicking off our crowdfunding campaign has been a messy yet rewarding experience, and I cannot wait to see the direction you three end up taking the section next school year! Thank you Cali and Durriya for placing your trust in me to #BringBackFinance. 

I dread the end of the school year because I know that it means the end of my time with FEM. Each hour that slips by, I get overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts that I’m not doing enough, and that I’ll regret not spending more time with the people that truly made this school year special. However, I’m leaving my FEMily with a full heart. I know that even with my absence from the organization itself, the relationships that I’ve built within FEM will always be there for me. FEM Newsmagazine is student-centered and student-powered, and it will always continue to be. 

This is where I leave you, dear readers, with something that is immensely on-character for me: a shoutout to our crowdfunding campaign that I’ve spent weeks building alongside my wonderful finance team. As I state in the description, FEM is more than a publication — it is a uniting power that brings together people from all different backgrounds who are willing to learn from and grow with one another. Your donation goes directly into supporting FEM’s legacy of feminist thought, journalism and activism.

Thank you for everything, FEM. The once awkward, shy and anxious girl you helped nurture and grow is leaving you — still awkward, shy and anxious, but as a stronger feminist, writer, leader and person to make up for it. You were, and will always be, my first true love at UCLA.

With love,

Hyerim (Shaylee) Yoon