Tenderly Alone

And when
It’s all but gone
Drought of lust
Dead butterflies at the pit of my stomach 
In hopes of a resurrection 
To fill this loneliness 
That settles like the dust atop my books

Eyes wandering to whoever will look back
Will our pretend love be enough
If I swallow down enough dates
And empty tinder messages 
Will I feel
The decadence of a racing heart

A little shy now
In the quiet of my thighs
Tracing old tattoos
Reminiscent of an eyelash I lost long ago

A sun sets behind me
And I am left with bits and pieces of an idea
A mosaic of a girl

Will you still touch me
If I’m not giving you my body to take?
Will you hold me for my red stained fingers
Or will intimacy be forever out of reach?

And soon I am all but alone, except for
Anxiety to keep me company
She combs through my hair at night 
I listen to the sound of her nails
Against my scalp
Eyes sliding back
Is this home?

My face a field of daisies children run through
Each flower an acne scar
My armpits mossy and soft
Hair a garden
I wonder how I could ever be so reliant on sunshine to grow