“Are you a…virgin?”
This question strikes fear into the heart of many girls, because it’s a trap. If you say no, you’re a slut. If you say yes, you’re a prude.
So in this paradoxical, virgin standard, what is a woman with sexual desires, or not, to do?
Wikipedia defines virginity as…
Seems simple. But, unfortunately, it’s not.
There has been obsession with virginity in our culture, especially for women. Women have been sexualized from barbies to bras, being taught that their value lies in their exterior appeal – their “sexiness” essentially. But at the same time, this contrasts with our American culture that has deep roots in Protestant beliefs. These Christian values hold virginity, especially for women, to encapsulate a person’s worth. Not being a virgin until marriage makes you impure, sinful, immoral, and less than.
With these two contradicting notions in our culture, a very confusing experience has been created for women. Women are seen as sexual objects, so virgins are consequently considered prude, old maids, not fulfilling their sexual purpose. But don’t have sex either, unless you’re a slut without any values or dignity.
Sexuality is a natural part of the human experience, something men have been given full reign to explore. Women should also feel free to express their sexuality in anyway they want. Exploring sexuality can be enough of a confusing and awkward process without having this unnecessary and arbitrary judgement hovering over your shoulder. Having sex should not be a factor of worth for a human being nor should they be defined by their sexuality, and this standard should not be thrust upon anyone. Whether someone chooses to engage in sex or not doesn’t indicate any factor about them. Women are beings free to express their sexuality as fluidly as they please. This includes not having sex as well. Choosing to engage or not engage in sexual activity is a personal choice that shouldn’t illicit judgement.
The entire concept of virginity is a social construct. “Virginity” is a man-made concept that signifies someone who hasn’t experienced sexual activity. The entire idea of “losing” your virginity has given sex a meaning it doesn’t innately have. Even the phrase “losing your virginity” sparks this belief. Sex only has as much meaning as you want it to, and our society has forced an idea down our throats, to make people believe it is a big deal. Someone’s “first time” has been so over-dramatized, resulting in the concept gaining so much power. It has so much power over adolescents, that girls and women believe they “lose” something after having sex for the first time.
Having sex, especially for the first time, should be with whoever and whenever you are comfortable. As long as you and your partner are comfortable, and it’s consensual, go for it. Or wait. But the obsession with “virginity” needs to end.