A Dating Game

I’m pretty sure that the universe, knowing that I write about my online dating experience, decided to make life easy for me and send some real creeps my way.

This week, I got three noteworthy messages from three men. So, let’s play a game!

Behind Door Number 1 is a guy whose profile features no photo, states that his favorite food is “a sandwich made unwillingly,” and says that he is really good at “receiving roadhead.” In his Q&A section, he revealed that he has rape fantasies, his ideal first date is “drinking and groping,” and he would be bothered if his boss was a minority, female, or gay.

Behind Door Number 2 is a guy whose profile features photo after photo of his body, which he describes as “jacked.” Otherwise, the profile is bare bones. In his Q&A section, he reveals that he believes that “men should be the heads of their households” and that women have “an obligation” to keep their legs shaved.

Behind Door Number 3 is a guy whose profile actually appears normal. He has interests like hiking and seeing music shows, he goes scuba diving, and we share some musical tastes. He’s not against abortion, he’s not a smoker, and in his Q&A section he says that he likes “intense intellectual conversations.”

So far, I’m going with Door Number 3. Now let’s take a look at their first messages to me!

Guy Number 1 says to me “No wonder you’re a feminist you look like duduo from pokemon [sic].” Nice try, Guy Number 1, but that’s not going to make me swoon. Also, thanks for pointing out that only women who are physically deformed (in this case, having two heads?) can be feminists.

Guy Number 2 leads with “U wouldn’t be a match for my dick baby but I really want u to prove me wrong [sic].” Ouch, Guy Number 2– crash and burn. I know that you thought that would work (given that I asked you if that ever works for you and, apparently, it does), but I like my first messages to be a little less implicitly rape-y.

And Guy Number 3 messages me with “Excuse me, you have great tits.” Ah, so close, Guy Number 3! You almost made it past my CreeperDetector.  Normal profile, normal pictures, but you managed to kill your lead in the game by bypassing all the substance in my profile and focusing on the one photo in which a bit of cleavage is visible. Oh well, at least you got to see it on the internet.

Fortunately, online dating is nothing like a game show, in that at the end of the day, I don’t have to pick one of these creeps to go home with. I just get to chuckle, reject them, and keep moving.

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  1. I got sent this link this morning by a friend and have a burning desire to ask why is there still a need for feminism in the 21st century? I understand promoting woman in a positive light is still important in an modern era as the media still promote woman in a sexual manor but feminism died years ago when woman were given equal rights, or, if not more in my view. You may see men as vulgar sending these messages towards you but I am not mistaken in saying I myself have received many messages along the same lines from woman. I find it mind boggling that you still find the need to write a blog about promoting feminism when really feminism has lost its true meaning a long time ago, The reason I know I can speak freely about this is my mother was a leading voice in the movement in Ireland and she herself has said feminist groups these days have lost run of themselves, If you would be so kind as to set the standard straight for me without slandering men once I will be greatly impressed.

  2. So you want her to talk about her experience of feeling creeped out without labeling the specific offenders as creepy because once upon a time a random and unrelated female has done something similar to you?

    I would love for you to point out how this article slandered men in general in any way. She literally numbered the specific people she is talking about.

    Feminism has lost its true meaning? Pray tell what does Nathan O’Brien view as the true meaning of feminism that is being tarnished by people who are still fighting for their right to not be harassed?

    Your mother, whatever she was advocating for, was doing so in a specific context and time, neither of which apply to Nora’s specific experience. She is not the poster woman of feminism. Nobody is.

    Feminism is not one cohesive conglomerate movement in which everyone has the same goals and aspirations.

    I for one am fighting because I know too many rape victims. I have been harassed too many times. I recognize these problems as systematic and not personal. How about you explain why I am wasting why my efforts and why they aren’t necessary? You cannot just declare me equal when I experience inequality daily. That is not for you to decide. And it is certainly not your right to demand that I explain ways in which I am unequal without calling out those who malign me.

    The whole basis of your argument seems to be, “you have no right to complain because this happened to me once and also my mom said this”. I am perplexed at how you find this remotely logical.

  3. Daniel,

    Thank you for asking about the need for feminism! It is really important to be open about things you aren’t clear on so that dialogue can continue and people and movements can grow and change.

    I found it difficult that you followed your question with statements that suggested you already decided that feminism was now irrelevant. Perhaps you are curious about perspectives that are different than yours. I can’t speak for all women and feminists (nor do i want to) but I can speak for myself.

    Feminism is relevant to me because the main ways that gender effects my life aren’t influenced by the changes in what rights we were “given”. Traditionally feminine roles, aesthetics, and tasks are generally undervalued and unpaid. This effects men and transgender people as well, as traditionally feminine aspects could be taken on by anyone. Feminism helps to change the narrative about what is important. Its not that women should be allowed to be men, its that all people should be valued regardless of their chosen roles as well as their biological gender. This includes valuing women who choose to be traditionally feminine.

    Another reason feminism is relevant for me is safety. Despite our “given” rights, rape, harassment and sexual assault are super common. And while most of the time it is men doing these things to women, it definitely isn’t always. I want to keep talking about these things and move toward a culture where they don’t happen at all.

    Also, speaking of getting weird messages from women, it is true that women are afforded a DIFFERENT kind of sexual freedom than men. I have seen women do things that men would be considered creepy for doing. That said, I think the reason those things are considered creepy when men do it is because of the crazy rape statistics and level of anxiety women live with regarding their safety. I’m interested in feminism so we can keep talking about gender dynamics like that, in a way that is empowering for men and women.

    That’s just me though.

    Keep asking questions and keep talking.

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