As feminists, we’re constantly discussing the damaging effects the patriarchy has on women. Often, these discussions are only brought up when perpetrated by men holding these beliefs. What I’ve come to understand is that the patriarchy does not lie only within men. It also lies deep within women.
Let me break down this shocking, yet simple fact I’ve grappled to come to terms with: Not all women are feminists.
Countless times, I have heard women talk about how they prefer having friendships with men; this, in essence, is fine and wonderful. What is not fine, however, is the stereotypes that women claim in defending their relations with men by bullying other women. Statements such as, “guys have your backs, guys listen to you more, guys are more chill and won’t make a big deal out of things, guys won’t gossip about your life,” are complete and utter bullshit. Since when is it appropriate to make these claims asserting that men, yet again, are superior to women because of their seemingly “refined” social skills? These only assert sexist, patriarchal notions of women being incapable of being trusted and are characterized as irrational — that the way they carry themselves in social situations make for unreliable, overly-dramatic, and uncomfortable presentations. Statements like these assert that men have qualities that women apparently lack, and if a woman does assert that she has good inter-personal social skills, an excess of those skills causes her image and personal relationships to suffer. And it goes further than that — it’s women-on-women hating and bashing. It’s women desiring to adhere to a male-dominated system of choosing them for companionship that is incredibly heteronormative, exclusive, and disguised as being something that women can and should relate to.
Internalized misogyny is a sad, sad reality.
Let’s not indulge in this women-on-women hate anymore.